ITS BACK !!

IT ROCKS !!

ITS THE END OF THE INTERNET !!

www.teoti.us

Boy Catches 3lb Piranha......In Stockport !

A 14-year-old boy has caught a 3lb South American piranha - in a Stockport pond.

Josh Boyle caught the exotic fish at a beauty spot, Reddish Vale, near his home in Greater Manchester.

Josh, who had been fishing for four hours before landing the piranha, said: "I recognised what it was straight away, so I wrapped it in a towel so it couldn't bite me.

"I was really shocked, but I was excited too - as I have never caught anything like it. I have been fishing since I was two, and I've seen lots of pictures of piranhas before, so I knew what it was."

Josh, who is a member of the Prince Albert Angling Society, landed his catch with just a spinner on his rod, which imitates a small fish.

After taking photos of the fish he released it back into the water, reports the Daily Mail.

Brian Zimmerman, aquarium manager at London Zoo, said: "This is most unusual. It managed to survive until it was caught, but it couldn't have survived the cold winter as the waters it is used to are between 25 and 30 degrees.

"It would have eaten smaller fish such as roach and tench to survive - the red bellied piranhas usually hunt in shoals and attack in a large group. When they are on their own they have to go for smaller prey."

Source

Legal-ese It !!

These are fookin cool !

Take an everyday saying, and translate it in to "legalese" lawyer-speak....

All that glitters is not gold

Becomes... All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous

Beggars cannot be choosers

Becomes... Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted

Dead men tell no tales

Becomes... Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony

Beginner's luck

Becomes... Neophyte's serendipity

A rolling stone gathers no moss

Becomes... A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant

Birds of a feather flock together

Becomes... Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate

Beauty is only skin-deep

Becomes... Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity

Cleanliness is next to Godliness

Becomes... Freedom from incrustations of crime is contiguous to rectitude

Don't cry over spilt milk

Becomes... It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lacteal fluid

Spare the rod and spoil the child

Becomes... Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion

The pen is mightier than the sword

Becomes... The stylus is more potent than the rapier

You can't teach an old dog new tricks

Becomes... It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneouvers

Look before you leap

Becomes... Surveillance should precede saltation

Twinkle, twinkle little star

Becomes... Scintillate, scintillate minimal asteroid

He who laughs last, laughs best

Becomes... The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy

Becomes... Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders John (DOE) [A NATURAL PERSON] a hebetudinous fellow

Those who live in glass houses should cast no stones

Becomes... Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting petrious projectiles

Where there's smoke, there's fire

Becomes... Where there are visible vapors having their provenance in ignited carbonaceous materials, the potential for conflagration approaches certainy

Oi !!

WHY AINT NOBODY SAID AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH TO MY GORGEOUS GIRL YET !?!!

Anyway....

...started me new job today....I'm fookin knackered.

Its all good though, I can start to concentrate on making some bucks and lookin after me baby. We wanna look to move house next year, so this job has been a godsend.

Now.....everybody say "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh".



SAY IT !!

H-o-P Employment Update

For those of you that remember my last post about work....and the lack of it....

There is good news !!

I went for an interview yesterday, and today I was offered the job....which I obviously grabbed with both hands !!

As of Monday the 16th October I will be back in full time employment, enabling me to support my gorgeous Niamh who is now 3 1/2 weeks old....and doing well !! (At keeping me awake 24 hours !)

Here she is......



Everybody say aaaaaahhhhhhh !! (else I will smash your knee caps off with a damp spade.)

Banned TV Commercials - Ford Ka(k)

Banned TV adverts....

Drag The Dot - Annoying Game Alert

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Source

England Are Shit

Its official now....ENGLAND ARE SHIT.

I cant say any more, else I shall smash my fists through my screen...and I aint finished payin for it yet....

Submachine - Annoying Game Alert !!

Submachine 3

Visit Arcade-Galaxy.com

Snooker Ace Loses Cancer Battle

Cancer victim Paul Hunter dies, aged 27

10/10/2006 - 07:06:42

Tributes have been paid to 27-year-old snooker star Paul Hunter, who has died after losing his battle with cancer.

Former snooker professional Willie Thorne said Leeds-born Hunter was a great player with the “heart of a lion” who would have one day been a world champion.

John Parrot, a former world champion and now a BBC commentator, said it was “a great loss to the sport”.

And seven-times world champion Stephen Hendry said he was devastated by the news.

Hunter was diagnosed with dozens of neuro endocrine tumours of the lining of his stomach in March 2005.

Despite chemotherapy treatment, Hunter continued to compete professionally but won only one match last season and fell from fifth to 34th in the rankings.

He was taken into the Kirkwood Hospice in Huddersfield last Friday.

Thorne told Sky Sports: “He won three masters. Anyone who did that is a great player. Paul Hunter was a great player. I’m sure he would have been a future world champion. It’s a sad loss to the game and his family.

“Deep down we all thought he would beat the disease. He was taken into the hospice and it has been a very sad couple of days for me.

“He had a heart like a lion, he battled till the end. You never knew when Paul was beaten. He will be sadly, sadly missed. He lit up the stage when he played. He was a very flamboyant player.”

Hunter turned professional at the age of 16 in 1995 and won his first major title, the 1998 Welsh Open, at the age of 19.

He also won the Welsh title in 2002 and picked up the British Open trophy the same year but he will be best remembered for his exploits at the Wembley Masters.

Hunter recovered from 7-3 down to beat Fergal O’Brien 10-9 in the 2001 final and fought from 5-0 adrift to beat Mark Williams 10-9 in the final a year later.

He completed a hat-trick of Masters victories in 2004 when he came from 7-2 down to beat Ronnie O’Sullivan 10-9.

Hunter’s best World Championship performance was reaching the semi-finals in 2003, where he led Ken Doherty 15-9 before the Irishman stormed back to win 17-16.

In a statement on its website, World Snooker, the commercial arm of the sport’s governing body, said Hunter died at 8.20pm last night.

Hunter would have turned 28 this Saturday. He leaves a wife, Lindsey, and a daughter, Evie Rose, who was born on Boxing Day of last year.

World Snooker chairman Sir Rodney Walker said: “I’m sure that everyone who met Paul, as well as his millions of fans and the sporting public as a whole, will join me in sending most sincere sympathies to Lindsey, Paul’s parents, his family and friends.

“Paul was a man who had everything going for him – an outstanding talent, good looks, fame, riches, charm and a beautiful wife. This shows us just how quickly life can change.

“It’s a bitter blow for snooker but most importantly for his family and our thoughts are with them.”

Hendry said: “I’m absolutely devastated by the news.

“He’s got a young family and he had a fantastic future in front of him. It’s everyone’s worst nightmare and puts everything into perspective.”

Parrott, the 1991 world champion and a member of the BBC TV snooker team, said: “It’s a great loss to the sport but more importantly than that, it’s a great loss to his family.

“Paul played the game with a smile on his face. He was a bright and bubbly character and I never heard him complain. He was always such a happy person. We’re all going to miss him.”

Hunter’s highest ranking was fourth in the 2004/05 season and his highest break was 146, compiled in the 2004 Premier League.

A Premier League spokesman confirmed there would be a minute’s silence before this week’s matches in Preston on Thursday.

A minute’s silence will also be observed before matches at the Irish Snooker Championships today.

Teoti - The End Of The Internet

For those that don't know....too late!
Teoti (The End Of The Internet) was a community of like-minded intarweb stars who, with the aid of a superb website, created a world of wonder and amusement.
Through no fault of their own, these community members have been left out in the cold.

Teoti died.

But the members live on.

They may have no fixed abode at the moment, they may be floating around your site contributing with their wealth of knowledge that stretches from the sublime to the ridiculous, from the serious to the surreal.
So if you meet a Teotian, don't laugh at him as he holds up his cardboard sign saying "Will post for alcohol" crudely written in comic sans....
say Hi, shake him by the hand, and assure him that it's not all gone to shit yet.....

Ressurrection is at hand....

Hamster Crash To Be Screened

source:weirdinfo.com







The 300mph crash in which Top Gear presenter Richard Hammond nearly died will be shown on television.

BBC bosses are planning to screen a special report about the accident in which the jet-powered car spun off the track and flipped over several times.
But Top Gear fans will not get to see it on the hit show. Instead, if the star agrees the BBC will dedicate an entire showcase documentary to the horror crash.

In other news on his health doctors said he will be back to full health in about 6 months which is great news and we look forward to seeing him rip up the tarmac again with the Top Gear gang soon.

Planet Dangerous

Our world is a violent place.

Hurricanes...electrical storms...tsunamis...volcanoes...us......

The Conscientious Objector

With the passing of the great T5, a slightly enormous hole has been left in my life. Yes it may be sad or geeky or just downright pathetic but, I had friends there. Friends that I had never even met before....friends from the other side of the world.
Yes yes, there are "other" sites but, well, for fooks sake they are never going to be as good.

I stumbled upon this by Edna St. Vincent Millay. Its apt I think...

"I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death.

I hear him leading his horse out of the stall;
I hear the clatter on the barn-floor.
He is in haste; he has business in Cuba, business in the Balkans, many calls to make this morning.
But I will not hold the bridle while he clinches the girth.
And he may mount by himself:
I will not give him a leg up.

Though he flick my shoulders with his whip, I will not tell him which way the fox ran.
With his hoof on my breast, I will not tell him where the black boy hides in the swamp.
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death;
I am not on his pay-roll.

I will not tell him the whereabout of my friends nor of my enemies either.
Though he promise me much, I will not map him the route to any man's door.
Am I a spy in the land of the living, that I should deliver men to Death?
Brother, the password and the plans of our city are safe with me;
never through me
Shall you be overcome".

Number one....

K, so this is post number one.....

RIP Teoti.....